She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
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Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
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No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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