I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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