words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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