oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
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I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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