you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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