I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize