On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
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we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
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Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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