He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize