Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
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My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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