I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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