he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
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My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
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I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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