Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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