I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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