I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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