My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize