i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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