I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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