I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
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I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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