Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
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I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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