I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Success! We fucked roommates!
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