im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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