I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
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downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
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Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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