Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize