went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
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I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
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I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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