do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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