just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize