can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
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The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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