apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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