he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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