forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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