I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
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Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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