i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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