im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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