I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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