they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
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We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
God, I missed his penis.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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