That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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