Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
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I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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