you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize