dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize