How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
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well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
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I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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