I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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