two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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