I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
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Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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