Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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