As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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