I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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