You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize