apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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I want her autograph on my taint
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
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Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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