Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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