Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
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I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
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I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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